Roses
I’ve been trying to write this for a while and couldn’t figure out what exactly it was I wanted to say, mostly because my mind was completely clouded with thoughts of fraud, imposter syndrome, and imperfection.
I turn 40 tomorrow and have been trying to figure out my purpose and what I want for the “second half” of my life. My first half was mostly spent running away from responsibility through exploring, traveling, and experiencing. I travelled the world - backpacking, volunteering, sailing, and diving so that I didn’t have to have a career, long term relationships with anyone – friends and family included, or work on what I actually wanted for myself. Every day was a new set of people, a new country, a new thing to feel, or not to feel.
I find myself now slowing down and wanting more – working on relationships, mental and physical health, and working towards a career I can be proud of. I look around me though and especially in Singapore, feel like I’ve missed the boat - with most people my age already 20 years ahead of me in the game.
The first thing strangers ask you here is, “What do you do?” – in other words, “What worth are you to me?” In less than two minutes of meeting you’ve already been categorised and put into a little box. Is forming a relationship with you worthy of their time?
So, to make sure we get people’s attention, we come up with all kinds of names and titles and multi-hyphens and alphabets. Because you’re not in sustainability if you’re not titled a Sustainability Manager. You’re not a Communicator if you’re not in Public Relations. You’re not an Educator unless you’re lecturing at a university.
Names.
Language.
Shakespeare wrote in Romeo and Juliet, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" – which essentially means, that the names of things do not affect what they really are.
We just witnessed Valentine’s Day all around the world this week. Hundreds of people scrambling to get overpriced roses, teddy bears, and chocolates to impress someone special or lure someone into open arms with expensive gifts. Just because we named this day, Valentine’s Day. Because of this calendar day’s label, the prices of roses shot up to about $14.50 in some shops. Now, that’s just the cost of roses affecting your pocket. Have you thought about how Valentine’s Day is killing the planet? Now, the fact that roses are not grown in Singapore is no surprise. This statistic, however, might be. In 2020, a study found that “one bouquet of imported flowers has a more significant [environmental] impact than an 8-ounce steak raised on deforested land in Brazil and consumed in London.”
Just take a minute to think about how many people you saw running around yesterday with bundles of useless carbon emissions wrapped up in pretty tule and ribbon, only to have them end up in bins in two days.
Names.
Names have so much power because of the meaning associated with letters put together in a certain sequence.
Therefore, I come back to me and who I am. Marla Lise. That’s my name. I’m still working on the meaning associated with these letters but this I know, I am fed up with being categorised by labels and names, of immediately being put aside because of a title or lack of it. Shunned or praised because of something else attached to my name. My name should be enough. It embodies me and sets me apart from anyone else. My name makes me unique because I am unlike any other person with this name, or any other person in my profession, or any other person in this country, or any other person who calls themself an Earthling.
I hope to move into the second half of my life respecting the fact that everyone I meet is equally unique and has a name which belongs only to them. Whatever that name represents, is for me to explore with them. I want to work towards being mindful of everyone’s experiences, worth, and stories despite their labels and titles. I want everyone to be an equal, until proven otherwise, not because of their labels or titles, but because I’ve explored that with them. That also means, not comparing myself to people with labels and titles or feeling insecure because I don’t have them.
We’re equals. We’re our name, our person, ourselves.
Putting everyone on the same playing board. Respecting everyone equally. Playing fair, playing nice, and playing together.
Because really, think about it. Everyday should be Valentine’s Day.
You are the ocean.
La mar – Marla.
On bad days, Poseidon raises his trident.
On good days, the dolphins frolic and play.
You are the sea.
La mar – Marla.
Never keeping still, always moving.
Jack of all trades, but master of none.
You are a river.
La mar - Marla
Meandering, turning, fickle in thoughts.
Ever indecisive, wanting everything, needing naught.
You are water.
La mar - Marla
Aquarius by nature, free and unsettled.
Never still, always thinking, always doing.
You are a puddle.
La mar - Marla
Sometimes here, sometimes gone.
Brought by torrential rains, disappearing in the sun.
You are a lake.
La mar - Marla
Calm, clear, cool, only on the surface.
Below, you have the currents to drown.
You are you.
Marla Lise,
and what you are is yours alone.
The sea made its choice,
you decide your own.