Positive Parenting

Depending on how long you have been in the parenting game, it is likely that you would have heard at least a few of the following terms to describe parenting styles: free-range, helicopter, authoritarian, snow plough, tiger... And the list goes on. Each style is thought to emphasize a different strategy to raise kids. The latest in the series is “positive parenting” – an off shoot of positive psychology.

According to this philosophy, parents are encouraged to build a good relationship with their children by using explanations and offering choices instead of shouting, shaming or leveraging rewards and punishments. Rather than focusing on punishing bad behaviour, the positive parenting style revolves around encouraging positive behaviours. Parents are viewed not as disciplinarians, but rather teachers. The objective of positive parenting is “to teach discipline in a way that builds a child’s self-esteem and supports a mutually respectful parent-child relationship without breaking the child’s spirit.” Godfrey, D. (2019). The goals are to nurture children’s self-esteem, creativity, belief in the future, ability to get along with others and a sense of mastery over their environment. All of which sounds perfect.

However the fact is that as positive parenting involves a lot of trial and error, it takes longer to stop certain behaviours. Some children are naturally more rebellious than others and a gentle approach doesn’t always work. So, it can prove to be a lot more stressful and won’t necessarily have the desired results. It also assumes the cooperation and openness of the child being disciplined.

In reality does anyone really only use one tactic when it comes to parenting? So when it comes to different parenting styles, it might be more sensible to think of them as pieces of a well-rounded repertoire of approaches, seeing them all as compatible instead of exclusive. After all, what every parent wants is the best for our children.